How NOT To Ask Out Lily Evans
by 18Cyber-Cat18
Summary: James Potter has discovered the one thing that has absolutely devastating consequences in his hands. A book full of a lame pick-up lines. Read about all his failed attempts at asking out Lily. T because i am paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

After much thought I, James Potter, have finally come to the conclusion that Lily Evans just does not appreciate flawless beauty, astounding intelligence, charming wit or unadulterated talent. Because that is the only logical reason for why the aforementioned person would not want to date me, the epitome of perfectness. Its about time we faced the truth, I happen to be pretty much perfect. Anyone will be hard-pressed to find a single fault in me. I mean, what's not to like? Intelligence, strength, beauty, charm, humour all rolled into one delightful package.

There she comes. The one person who single handedly made me doubt my very perfectness. I pick up my books and head towards her. To ask her out, of course. Yesterday, I found this awesome book in Sirius's bag called 'Pick-Up Lines for Dummies'. I am obviously no 'dummy' in these matters but I still thought it's worth a try. Sirius thought so too, after he gave a lame excuse for having such a book in his bag.

"Hey Evans," I say with all my charm as I reach her. "Did you swallow a charms book? Cuz you're just so full of charm." She just has to melt now. No one and I mean no one is immune to the Potter Charm. I smile at her in my oh-so-gorgeous manner while her lips quirk and one eyebrow rises. Uh-oh. Not a very promising reaction.

"Hey Potter, did you swallow a herbology book? Cuz you're just so full of cow dung," she says with that sweet smile that only Lily can manage and turns around walks away.

My desire to maintain my face structure and my contradictory desire to follow her silently battle. Finally, the former is announced victor and I walk back to the common room and back to my blasted book. Oh well, it was worth a try.

Tomorrow I will think about it. Tomorrow I will try again. After all, tomorrow is another day.

I have _got_ to stop reading muggle books!

…

**A/N: Just a random idea that popped into my head when I was doing absolutely nothing. So how was it? Please favourite and review. **

**If anyone is wondering then the book that James referred to in the end is Gone With The Wind (awesome book). Scarlett O'Hara keeps on saying 'tomorrow is another day'. Don't know why I made James quote Scarlett. Just felt like it.**

**Anyway, bye. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter just about as much as I own Twilight. (I wish I owned the former and am just downright thankful that I have nothing to do with the latter)**

**Chp-2**

Okay so time for try number two. This time, I just can't go wrong now. I mean, she can manage to control herself once but not twice. She just has to succumb to the James Potter charm now.

After much thought and debate (Sirius had some contrasting views with my choice) I have finally chosen another one. A pick-up line, I mean. According to the book apparently, this is one of the most popular pick-up lines and you just can't go wrong with it. Really, it has a ninety percent chance of success. So anyway, here goes my second attempt at asking out the elusive Evans.

I see her studying next to the fireplace and I walk (and try not to sneak up) up to her.

"What do you want, Potter?" she asks before I even manage to open my mouth.

"Hi Evans. So long time no see, hunh?"

"You saw me today at breakfast, then in first period and then in second and then now. So no, long time too much of see."

"Right," I say having a sudden Shakespeare moment.

Well, anyway I was just wondering if you knew that you looked a lot like my next girlfriend," I say, in a cool suave manner.

"Oh what a coincidence! I was just wondering if you knew that you looked a lot like my next victim," she said, toying her wand meaningfully.

I slowly looked at the wand and then back at her.

"Yeah, you better run," she said menacingly.

Trust me, I did not need to be told twice.

**A/N: So how was it? Please do leave your comments. **

**A/N: So how was it? Please do leave your comments. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Duh.**

This is it. I can feel it in my guts. The day when she finally says yes. Evans will most certainly discover her undying love for me today. You see, she already is head over heels in love with me; the only problem is that she doesn't know it. All its going to take to make her realize that she loves me is this one awesome pick-up line I discovered. Yesterday, I was just flipping through the book, trying to find a good pick-up line and I came across this one line that just blew my mind. Trust me, I know a winner when I see one. As amazing as the previous two lines were, none of them had the promise that this one does.

I stared at my better half and walked up to her with my usual charm.

"Hey Evan, don't the stars look very angry? Apparently, its because you have stolen their shine," I said with a dashing smile.

"Potter, I hate to break this to you but it is 2 p.m.," she said in an exasperated tone, "so as expected, us normal people cant see the 'angry' stars."

Oops. So maybe I hadn't thought this through properly.

"But I can see stars at any time of the day. I just need to look into your eyes," I said.

"That would have probably been a decent enough save had you not called the stars angry just a second ago."

"Oh, but Evans, its perfect. Your eyes _are _angry all the time," I said with a renewed gusto.

"I mean… you're not… I did not…" I fumbled as the much-discussed eyes narrow and turn threatening.

"And here I was Potter, under the impression that you wanted to live to see another day," said the bearer of the angry eyes.

"I do Evans, I really do," I said and took off before I could ruin the situation any further.

So maybe it did not work out to well for me today. All thanks to the blasted stars for not coming out in the afternoon. Whatever, I'll think about it later; I have more pressing matters to take care of right now. Apparently Sirius somehow managed to transform Peter into a tiara-wearing bunny. God knows what goes on his head.

**A/N: Tadaa…another chapter done. Let me know what you think. Don't forget to review.**


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